Introduction to Interpersonal Nonduality

Most often when we go to a group, a workshop, a class, or even a meditation we are learning content through some presentation, or in the case of meditation we are being guided into directing our attention in a specific way to try and produce a specific result.

While these modes of working have much utility for too many reasons to list here, from the perspective of Nonduality they all fall within a structure that looks like something like this:

Process = Sense-of-Self + Directed Attention + Content.

Which then culminates in:

Sense-of-Self + Directed Attention + Content = Attempt Towards Intended Outcome

They all operate within a framework that tacitly assumes we need to identify with a sense-of-self and direct our attention towards some object. That is, they all operate within a framework of Subject towards Object with the intention of producing some result (e.g. learning, relaxation, insight).

Again, this does not mean these approaches do not have value, or utility. This kind of learning has been essential for all of us. Also, many different perceptions and experiences can and do arise within this framework, which can include experiences outside of the perceptual habit (e.g. during process of guided meditation, there is an experience of expansiveness of Self, or even selflessness). However, regardless of outcome the process can reinforce this underlying structure of perceptual habit.

Interpersonal Nonduality is a completely different process of interaction through which we are connecting with another or others with the primary intention of embodying Nondual Awareness.

Within the context of interactions in this intentionality, whatever we say, or don’t say, is of little importance. We aren’t trying to direct our attention in any which way, because attention is simply awareness that has been narrowed, and there is no narrowing necessary here as we are connecting with awareness as the backdrop of the entirety of any and all experience.

There is no content being presented, no concept to learn, and while one could argue that the intended outcome is to rest in the effortless experience of Nondual Awareness, we wouldn’t know if we were achieving that outcome because there would be no content of awareness to signal any achievement and nothing to compare achievement or non-achievement to.

Furthermore, the Sense-of-Self that is implicit in other processes is not necessarily a given variable in this context. Meaning, just because in the rest of our lives we assume that our Sense-of-Self may be somewhat concrete, we don’t start with the presupposition in Interpersonal Nonduality. We don’t start with any presupposition. Rather we start with an effortless non-presupposition, or what we might call innate not-knowing.

If we return to the formula I posited earlier of:

Process = Sense-of-Self + Directed Attention + Content

In Interpersonal Nonduality we might render this something like the following:

Process = Innate Not-Knowing = Sense-of-Self (None and/or No Presupposition) + Directed Attention (None and/or Awareness Itself) + Content (No Content) = Outcome-Whatever-It-Is

So in this sense we aren’t doing anything, but there is no pressure. There isn’t some suppressive silence. Rather, the shared recognition is simply that whatever words we have can not or ever capture the profundity and simplicity of awareness itself. We can talk about awareness, but our words are not themselves awareness. And yet somehow, our words are not, not awareness. Yet in this framework there is no work to be done, we simply have the opportunity to share and rest in the awe of the ground of experience itself.

5 Tips For Cultivating a Meditation Practice During COVID

Despite the challenges that it presents, living in the time of COVID also offers us a unique opportunity to look at how we practice self-care. Of all the forms of self-care practice, perhaps the most commonly recommended is meditation, or mindfulness. In this post, I am going to discuss some tips for developing a regular meditation practice. I have practiced meditation in fits and starts since I was 20 years old, with extended periods of daily meditation. It changed my life, and it could very well change yours. So here it goes:

1. Consistency is the best way to practice. In almost all cases, is better to practice a little (5-10 mins) regularly than a lot rarely. Meditation is a form of workout for your mind. When we work out, we start small and build up. Other ways to help stay consistent is to develop a routine. Try choosing the same time every day, or meditate after you do something else that you do everyday (e.g. brushing your teeth). Try meditating in the same place. Find what works for you, and do your best to commit to that daily.

2. Don’t judge your practice. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “I’m not sure meditation works for me… I was so distracted while trying to meditate!” People often think they are supposed to be laser focused from the get go during meditation. While some advanced meditators may get to that stage (so I have heard) for most of us this is NOT realistic as we start out… In fact, distraction is a normal part of meditation! What is important is that you are paying attention. It is best to not place such high expectations on our meditation practice, and to see it as a process of learning about our minds.

3. Try some different meditations, but then stick to one practice that you connect to. I am all for people trying different meditations. There are apps that may guide you through several different kinds of meditations. However, at a certain point if we are trying so many different meditations we might end up getting confused. We might not be able to develop a rhythm or relationship with that practice. In meditation the idea is that we are not giving ourselves MORE to think about. Therefore, I suggest that once you find a practice you connect to that you give it some time to go deeper with. That is not to say you have to be locked in forever, just try being consistent with one practice for a month or two. If you feel inclined to try something else after that, then go for it. If you are comfortable in your practice at that time, then keep it up!

4. Be kind to yourself. If you miss a session, don’t beat yourself up. If you are so distracted during a session that you lose hope, don’t worry. You are human, and meditation is not about being perfect. There is no benefit to shaming or putting undue pressure on yourself. Rather, try to remember what motivates you to meditate. What is good about it. Meditation is a privilege, not an obligation. It is something to do for your health and well-being out of self-love, not self-hatred.

5. Enjoy it. This one might seem difficult if you are new to meditation, and just learning how much your thoughts run the show. Yet, I am very confident that if you stick with it, you will find pockets deep enjoyment that come with giving our minds the opportunity to rest. No need to chase the experience, but when it shows up its okay to appreciate it and gently remind yourself that this is one of the greatest gifts you can offer to you!