FAQ
Therapy is an endeavor of growth. Anytime we try something new, it is natural to feel nervousness or trepidation. That’s one way our hearts and minds inform us that we are genuinely turning towards change. It’s also natural to feel nervous to let a stranger so close to our fears, insecurities, fantasies, and emotions. The therapy relationship is unlike any other relationship in modern society. We sometimes let therapists closer to our inner emotions than we let our partners, spouses, parents and our friends! Once we make a decision to begin this endeavor it is imperative that we find a therapist who we feel genuinely can meet us where we are. Someone that we get the sense can actually hear us, can give us reflections, and can engage with us honestly - while also having our best interests in mind.
How do I choose a therapist?
It’s less about finding the “best” therapist—or the right tool—and more about finding the right kind of space for how you actually function.
If you tend to overthink, adapt to others, or track what’s expected of you, you might find yourself trying to “do therapy well.” In that case, it’s worth noticing whether the space allows you to step out of that pattern—or actually reinforces it.
A few things to pay attention to:
Do you feel a sense of ease or pressure to “perform”?
Do they feel present, or like they’re applying a method to you?
Can you go at your own pace, especially around more vulnerable material?
Do you feel subtly more in contact with yourself during or after the conversation?
Different approaches and techniques can be useful. But if your patterns formed in relationship, then the relationship itself becomes part of the work—not just what’s being talked about or the tools being used. This is why if it were me, I would focus on trusting how I feel inside when I talk to a potential therapist. It’s also okay if it takes a session or two to know. You’re not just looking for someone skilled—you’re looking for a space where your system can actually settle enough for change to happen.
What should I be cautious of when looking for a therapist?
If everything feels overly structured, rushed, or focused on fixing symptoms quickly, it may not leave much room to understand the underlying patterns. Similarly, if you feel like you have to explain yourself repeatedly without being met, or like you’re being given strategies that don’t quite land, that’s worth paying attention to. I would trust my instincts about this or my “guts” as one of my early supervisors would say.
What do you mean by overthinking?
For many people, overthinking isn’t just a habit—it’s something that developed for a reason. It can be a way of staying safe, anticipating what others need, or trying to avoid conflict or disconnection. Often, it has roots in earlier relational environments where being attuned, careful, or self-monitoring was important.
How does this connect to attachment or early experiences?
The ways we learned to relate—to ourselves and to others—don’t just disappear. They tend to show up in adulthood as patterns in relationships, decision-making, and how we handle stress or uncertainty.
Overthinking, anxiety, or self-doubt can be part of those patterns. In our work, we look at how these developed—not to analyze the past endlessly, but to understand what your system learned and how it’s still operating now.
Do I need to have experienced major trauma for this to be relevant?
No. Many people wouldn’t describe their background as “traumatic,” but still grew up in environments where emotions weren’t fully supported, where there was unpredictability, or where they had to adapt in subtle ways.
Those adaptations can show up later as chronic tension, over-responsibility, difficulty trusting yourself, or feeling stuck in certain relational dynamics.
What kinds of patterns do you help with?
This work often resonates if you notice things like:
Getting stuck in your head, second-guessing yourself
Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
Repeating relationship dynamics that don’t fully work
Difficulty slowing down or feeling at ease
Excessive self-criticism
A persistent sense of “something’s off,” even if things look fine on the outside
How is this different from just talking things through?
Understanding something intellectually doesn’t always shift the pattern. These responses are often held at the level of the nervous system and the body.In addition to talking, we pay attention to what’s happening in real time—sensations, reactions, impulses—so change can happen at the level where the pattern actually lives.
Is this focused on the past?
The past can be relevant, especially in understanding how patterns formed. But the focus is on how those patterns are showing up now—and how they can begin to shift in the present.
I relate to recovery frameworks or adult children dynamics—does that fit here?
Yes. Many of the patterns explored in recovery spaces—like people-pleasing, hypervigilance, or difficulty trusting yourself—overlap with what we work with here.
This approach can complement that kind of work by helping those patterns shift not just conceptually, but experientially.
What does a session feel like?
Sessions are conversational, but often slower-paced than typical talk therapy. We might pause to notice what’s happening internally, track a reaction, or stay with a moment a bit longer than usual.
There’s no pressure to perform or “do it right”—the focus is on building awareness and allowing patterns to become clearer over time.
How do I get started?
You can reach out through the contact form to schedule a consultation. It’s a chance to see if this way of working feels like a good fit for you.
I'm here to talk during a free phone consultation where you can share what’s going on for you and I can share my ideas around how I can help you.
Email me today to get your free phone consultation at scott@scottmenasco.com.
or sign up through the calendar below!